DEPRESSION
Today i want to talk about depression.
I was a sufferer of it i never realised it until it was too late and i resorted to suicide to dull the pain.
The funny thing is how it slowly creeps up on you
My battle began in medical school i felt out of place always had as a child.
In primary school i was the top of my class but socially awkward, alot of the "cool" kids would put me down one guy actually called me annoying for always taking top position.
In high school i wasnt cool enough cos i never listened to rick dees or knew sheng and it really took its toll on me.
Then after high school i was too loud too boisterous and free spirited its like i never caught a break.
Med school i never hit it off with the govt sponsored students cos i never followed them like sheep.
I had problems with my self esteem always thought i wasnt pretty enough cool enough mature enough and it took its toll
I would feel insecure about alot whenever id see someone who i thought was better than i.
I would allow myself to be mediocre looking back i would do the bare minimum so that i just make it even though i had the ability to do more
I would allow people to put me down with their comments and even actions and hide away in a corner and hate myself more
Well this spiralled out of control in the friendships i made i would sacrifice so much till nothing was left. I would listen to other people as per my relationship and would blame myself when things went wrong
I was always trying to placate others, always there for others, always trying to find acceptance now i know different.
I am free im comfortable in my own skin
I look in the mirror and i love what i see
I am gaining confidence in who i am
I give no one the power to take away my joy
I am successful and brilliant
Always have been to my detractors shove it
You fear what you dont undestand, you crave the freedom i enjoy
You wish you had what i have inside of me.
Sorry there is just one me and im fabulous and a freaking FORCE OF NATURE
Watch this space stay tuned for i know you all wish you could say something.
I dont respond as you do and i am so glad i dont.
I love me
i love all of me
Nothing will change that
I have wrested control of my joy from the hands of others and placed it in God's hands and His message is Love thyself as I love you.