YEAR'S END
Well 2011 is at an end and its with bated breath that i await 2012.
2011 was one tumultuous year and I'm glad to put it behind me
As i take stock of all the year's events i am grateful for every tear and every smile God brought my way.
I choose mot to take my failures to heart i instead use them as lessons
I choose to rejoice in my successes not matter how small
I am glad that i am not the same person who began this year and every person should be grateful for that
2012 here i come operation code name JOSEPHINE is in full effect.
Awaiting the new travels that I shall embark on
Excited about my impending departure to study
Thrilled by the knowledge that world has just begun for me
Leaving all the old vestiges of my old life that weighed me down and pressing on to the person i am meant to be.
HAPPY 2012 ALLIE LETS ROCK IT THE WAY WE BFF'S KNOW HOW.
2012V IS OUR TIME AND OUR YEAR
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
ORION IS BACK
Its december and the night sky is illuminated with stars constant reminders of God's love for us
Well my favorite constellation is back and its awesome
Ive missed it so caught a glimpse of it shortly
Twas divine
How ive missed it.
Loved every minute of it
Thank You God Im learning to be grateful for the little moments of joy and peace you bring into my life
Its december and the night sky is illuminated with stars constant reminders of God's love for us
Well my favorite constellation is back and its awesome
Ive missed it so caught a glimpse of it shortly
Twas divine
How ive missed it.
Loved every minute of it
Thank You God Im learning to be grateful for the little moments of joy and peace you bring into my life
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Today was my day off and i really needed it. Had a long crazy day at work with patients etc. Now im rejuvenated. My goal these days is to have a new exoerience everyday.
Well todays new experience was learning how to send cash via western union.
Some might say uve never done that and start laughing well tough i learnt something new and you cant take that joy away. Doing a dance.
Im also learning to detox my life and learn to love myself to be comfortable in my skin
It is exhilarating i feel alive and renewed everyday i learn something new about myself.
I look at the mirror and love what i see no more self pity or self hatred
I purpose to love all i see. I love my life i love me i am perfect cos God says i am
I am a beautiful confident intelligent witty charming generous kind person and an old soul and im so happy to be me.
Well todays new experience was learning how to send cash via western union.
Some might say uve never done that and start laughing well tough i learnt something new and you cant take that joy away. Doing a dance.
Im also learning to detox my life and learn to love myself to be comfortable in my skin
It is exhilarating i feel alive and renewed everyday i learn something new about myself.
I look at the mirror and love what i see no more self pity or self hatred
I purpose to love all i see. I love my life i love me i am perfect cos God says i am
I am a beautiful confident intelligent witty charming generous kind person and an old soul and im so happy to be me.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
GRATITUDE
Today I am grateful earlier this morning i had a heart to heart with my best friend
It was so amazing i just let go and told her everything
Held nothing back and God she got it it was like amen finally
I have someone who understands just like God does
Twas so amazing i couldnt believe it.
Thank You Lord.
Thank You for allie that she doesnt think im crazy or bitter or need tough love
Thank You that we can pray together
Thank You that shes always on the other end
Thank You that through all these years our friendship has remained strong
Thank You
God bless you allie i dedicate this post to you
Today I am grateful earlier this morning i had a heart to heart with my best friend
It was so amazing i just let go and told her everything
Held nothing back and God she got it it was like amen finally
I have someone who understands just like God does
Twas so amazing i couldnt believe it.
Thank You Lord.
Thank You for allie that she doesnt think im crazy or bitter or need tough love
Thank You that we can pray together
Thank You that shes always on the other end
Thank You that through all these years our friendship has remained strong
Thank You
God bless you allie i dedicate this post to you
Saturday, December 10, 2011
WAITING ROOMS
Well 2 weeks ago i went to my dentist and i was a tad late for my appointment however i got there only to find him busy with another patient.
Well i ended up waiting for an hour i fidgetted, googled checked my mail, read my copy of the secret then a voice inside me told me be still n just wait.
So i realised we find ourselves at points in our lives when we expect something, but it doesnt come immediately we have to wait in waiting bays and office receptions of life.
We fidget get uncomfortable even irritable yet it ends up being for nought.
Well i got in to see my dentist and it was worth the wait he had been preparing the materials he needed to fill my tooth and trust me i was one happy patient with a killer smile to boot.
God keeps us in waiting rooms not to punish but to teach us patience.
As He works diligently in His office preparing the things necessary to give us that killer smile again.
No matter where you are right now remember something greater is round the corner.
Im waiting upon the Lord He has renewed so much for me already and restored me and He still is.
Well 2 weeks ago i went to my dentist and i was a tad late for my appointment however i got there only to find him busy with another patient.
Well i ended up waiting for an hour i fidgetted, googled checked my mail, read my copy of the secret then a voice inside me told me be still n just wait.
So i realised we find ourselves at points in our lives when we expect something, but it doesnt come immediately we have to wait in waiting bays and office receptions of life.
We fidget get uncomfortable even irritable yet it ends up being for nought.
Well i got in to see my dentist and it was worth the wait he had been preparing the materials he needed to fill my tooth and trust me i was one happy patient with a killer smile to boot.
God keeps us in waiting rooms not to punish but to teach us patience.
As He works diligently in His office preparing the things necessary to give us that killer smile again.
No matter where you are right now remember something greater is round the corner.
Im waiting upon the Lord He has renewed so much for me already and restored me and He still is.
DEPRESSION
Today i want to talk about depression.
I was a sufferer of it i never realised it until it was too late and i resorted to suicide to dull the pain.
The funny thing is how it slowly creeps up on you
My battle began in medical school i felt out of place always had as a child.
In primary school i was the top of my class but socially awkward, alot of the "cool" kids would put me down one guy actually called me annoying for always taking top position.
In high school i wasnt cool enough cos i never listened to rick dees or knew sheng and it really took its toll on me.
Then after high school i was too loud too boisterous and free spirited its like i never caught a break.
Med school i never hit it off with the govt sponsored students cos i never followed them like sheep.
I had problems with my self esteem always thought i wasnt pretty enough cool enough mature enough and it took its toll
I would feel insecure about alot whenever id see someone who i thought was better than i.
I would allow myself to be mediocre looking back i would do the bare minimum so that i just make it even though i had the ability to do more
I would allow people to put me down with their comments and even actions and hide away in a corner and hate myself more
Well this spiralled out of control in the friendships i made i would sacrifice so much till nothing was left. I would listen to other people as per my relationship and would blame myself when things went wrong
I was always trying to placate others, always there for others, always trying to find acceptance now i know different.
I am free im comfortable in my own skin
I look in the mirror and i love what i see
I am gaining confidence in who i am
I give no one the power to take away my joy
I am successful and brilliant
Always have been to my detractors shove it
You fear what you dont undestand, you crave the freedom i enjoy
You wish you had what i have inside of me.
Sorry there is just one me and im fabulous and a freaking FORCE OF NATURE
Watch this space stay tuned for i know you all wish you could say something.
I dont respond as you do and i am so glad i dont.
I love me
i love all of me
Nothing will change that
I have wrested control of my joy from the hands of others and placed it in God's hands and His message is Love thyself as I love you.
Today i want to talk about depression.
I was a sufferer of it i never realised it until it was too late and i resorted to suicide to dull the pain.
The funny thing is how it slowly creeps up on you
My battle began in medical school i felt out of place always had as a child.
In primary school i was the top of my class but socially awkward, alot of the "cool" kids would put me down one guy actually called me annoying for always taking top position.
In high school i wasnt cool enough cos i never listened to rick dees or knew sheng and it really took its toll on me.
Then after high school i was too loud too boisterous and free spirited its like i never caught a break.
Med school i never hit it off with the govt sponsored students cos i never followed them like sheep.
I had problems with my self esteem always thought i wasnt pretty enough cool enough mature enough and it took its toll
I would feel insecure about alot whenever id see someone who i thought was better than i.
I would allow myself to be mediocre looking back i would do the bare minimum so that i just make it even though i had the ability to do more
I would allow people to put me down with their comments and even actions and hide away in a corner and hate myself more
Well this spiralled out of control in the friendships i made i would sacrifice so much till nothing was left. I would listen to other people as per my relationship and would blame myself when things went wrong
I was always trying to placate others, always there for others, always trying to find acceptance now i know different.
I am free im comfortable in my own skin
I look in the mirror and i love what i see
I am gaining confidence in who i am
I give no one the power to take away my joy
I am successful and brilliant
Always have been to my detractors shove it
You fear what you dont undestand, you crave the freedom i enjoy
You wish you had what i have inside of me.
Sorry there is just one me and im fabulous and a freaking FORCE OF NATURE
Watch this space stay tuned for i know you all wish you could say something.
I dont respond as you do and i am so glad i dont.
I love me
i love all of me
Nothing will change that
I have wrested control of my joy from the hands of others and placed it in God's hands and His message is Love thyself as I love you.
Friday, December 09, 2011
IT IS WELL
The sun is shining the birds are singing
The sky is blue and a gentle breeze wafts into my room
My soul is alive filled with joy and peace
These past two days i came to realise that its hard for people to empathise
No one can truly know the depth of your despair
Or how deep the wounds of the heart are
As my sister Dorothy told the wounds of the heart are different
To each their own but with God's help they heal
This is a post to my friends those who think that I'm not moving on
Moving on to you might mean no longer having low days
might mean dating other people as one of you put it I found a new guy for you to move on with.
I AM FINE
I am moving on in MY OWN WAY you might not understand it but i have stopped caring if anyone other than God and I understand
I no longer cry myself to sleep, true i have bad days but they last for a night
I am working, sending my post grad applications, spending alot of me time
Call me selfish but for the first time in a long while I'm putting me first
Im doing whats best for me and me alone and its working
I have always been there for people gone the extra mile, persevered in friendships
Said yes to you all even at the expense of my own happiness
I hit rock bottom and no one of you realised till it was too late
I forgive you all however i will not be pressured to do things your way
If you feel guilty that you never realised it sooner then that's fine Ive made my peace
I will no longer placate, or give long explanations for my decisions for they are mine
I have always respected your decisions even though i may not have always agreed with them.
Right now its Josephine time, time to be true to myself to my inner voice to chart my own path
This gives such overwhelming peace and joy
I am saying goodbye to some of you because despite my constant explanations you still fail to hear my plea.
IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL IT IS WELL
The sun is shining the birds are singing
The sky is blue and a gentle breeze wafts into my room
My soul is alive filled with joy and peace
These past two days i came to realise that its hard for people to empathise
No one can truly know the depth of your despair
Or how deep the wounds of the heart are
As my sister Dorothy told the wounds of the heart are different
To each their own but with God's help they heal
This is a post to my friends those who think that I'm not moving on
Moving on to you might mean no longer having low days
might mean dating other people as one of you put it I found a new guy for you to move on with.
I AM FINE
I am moving on in MY OWN WAY you might not understand it but i have stopped caring if anyone other than God and I understand
I no longer cry myself to sleep, true i have bad days but they last for a night
I am working, sending my post grad applications, spending alot of me time
Call me selfish but for the first time in a long while I'm putting me first
Im doing whats best for me and me alone and its working
I have always been there for people gone the extra mile, persevered in friendships
Said yes to you all even at the expense of my own happiness
I hit rock bottom and no one of you realised till it was too late
I forgive you all however i will not be pressured to do things your way
If you feel guilty that you never realised it sooner then that's fine Ive made my peace
I will no longer placate, or give long explanations for my decisions for they are mine
I have always respected your decisions even though i may not have always agreed with them.
Right now its Josephine time, time to be true to myself to my inner voice to chart my own path
This gives such overwhelming peace and joy
I am saying goodbye to some of you because despite my constant explanations you still fail to hear my plea.
IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL IT IS WELL
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Law of Attraction
Well today has been a fantastic day. Absolutely awesome
First of all, i got cool towels from a drug rep and free lunch wierd id been craving fries n galitos chicken from the oil libya down from my hospital.
Then the towels i wondered out loud i want a pair of towels for me and voila i got some.
Then i was worried the head of in patient would be angry with me yet today she greeted me with a smile and called me by name.
Lets not stop there, i got two new pens and i connected with a work colleague and the nurse aides get along well with me
It all happened as i said i surrender all
Amazing dear God thank oh n i got an hour overtime covering the gynae cinic im getting more responsibility at work.
Thank You God
People the law of attraction works i just asked and it happened awesome
Well today has been a fantastic day. Absolutely awesome
First of all, i got cool towels from a drug rep and free lunch wierd id been craving fries n galitos chicken from the oil libya down from my hospital.
Then the towels i wondered out loud i want a pair of towels for me and voila i got some.
Then i was worried the head of in patient would be angry with me yet today she greeted me with a smile and called me by name.
Lets not stop there, i got two new pens and i connected with a work colleague and the nurse aides get along well with me
It all happened as i said i surrender all
Amazing dear God thank oh n i got an hour overtime covering the gynae cinic im getting more responsibility at work.
Thank You God
People the law of attraction works i just asked and it happened awesome
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
Today i cant stop crying I feel alone with only God as my refuge and strength
The world and people i thought i could rely on have failed me
I seek peace from the storms of life.
I am not insane and i realise by my refusal to accept what other people deem to be the road to recovery
Its a reflection that maybe they gave up to easily it would be easier if i was complacent
If i was bitter hated someone moved on to the next guy
Cos thats what they did however its not what is for me
One thing im learning is to chart a way for me
If i succumb to their beliefs i will be trapped in a cage of their dreams
A cage that isn't for me
A cage that destroys my inner essence
Im a bird a butterfly that's free to fly
I am free to believe
I am free to love
I am free to be
You needn't understand why i do what i do
Only God need understand
This started out as a dirge of sorts
But my indomitable spirit has reawakened
The same spirit that got me through school
The same spirit that gave me strength to become a doctor
The same spirit that enabled me to overcome rape
I am a victor
I am strong
I am a winner
To my detractors both knowing and unknowing
You are WRONG
I will triumph inspite of you
I will b victorious
I AM A FORCE OF NATURE SOGET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY
Thank You God You have healed You have forgiven me You have restored me
You have renewed me You have reconciled me
I AM AWAKE A SLEEPING GIANT NO MORE
The world and people i thought i could rely on have failed me
I seek peace from the storms of life.
I am not insane and i realise by my refusal to accept what other people deem to be the road to recovery
Its a reflection that maybe they gave up to easily it would be easier if i was complacent
If i was bitter hated someone moved on to the next guy
Cos thats what they did however its not what is for me
One thing im learning is to chart a way for me
If i succumb to their beliefs i will be trapped in a cage of their dreams
A cage that isn't for me
A cage that destroys my inner essence
Im a bird a butterfly that's free to fly
I am free to believe
I am free to love
I am free to be
You needn't understand why i do what i do
Only God need understand
This started out as a dirge of sorts
But my indomitable spirit has reawakened
The same spirit that got me through school
The same spirit that gave me strength to become a doctor
The same spirit that enabled me to overcome rape
I am a victor
I am strong
I am a winner
To my detractors both knowing and unknowing
You are WRONG
I will triumph inspite of you
I will b victorious
I AM A FORCE OF NATURE SOGET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY
Thank You God You have healed You have forgiven me You have restored me
You have renewed me You have reconciled me
I AM AWAKE A SLEEPING GIANT NO MORE
Monday, December 05, 2011
Veggie Tales
Im enjoying larry the cucumber and his silly songs and how they teach us how to face life's challenges. Im also loving Audio Adrenaline my theme song is I wanna be your hands I wanna de your feet ill go where you send me go where you send me and ill try yeah ill try to touch the world like you touched my life and ill find my way.
And also i get down You lift me up i get down You lift me up i get down You lift me up.
Im enjoying larry the cucumber and his silly songs and how they teach us how to face life's challenges. Im also loving Audio Adrenaline my theme song is I wanna be your hands I wanna de your feet ill go where you send me go where you send me and ill try yeah ill try to touch the world like you touched my life and ill find my way.
And also i get down You lift me up i get down You lift me up i get down You lift me up.
Ocean Floor
Its the last month of the year thus far the Lord has brought me Ebenezer.
Well im currently fighting off a flu and winning the battle Amen
I am also getting stronger as the days go by. Thank You God for samuel accepting my yahoo messenger request I give You the glory for that. Well today i kept remembering all the wrongs i had done and found myself wracked with guilt I forgot that God has forgiven my transgressions they are forgotten. He has placed them on the bottom of the ocean floor.
Its hard to forgive others worse still to forgive oneself yet if God the epitome of righteousness can forgive and forget and wipe our slates clean why do we hold on to guilt.
Ill liken it to an experience i had this week, I got a patient who is HIV postive yet adamant that no one should know its a state of denial and their health is detriorating despite medication afraid of the stereotype and stigma then again i met another patient unafraid to disclose their status living positively and choosing life each day.
When we let guilt consume our lives and refuse the freedom of forgiveness in our lives we effectively let our health deteriorate, however when we allow God to take our sins and trade them for forgiveness we bring health into our lives
Simple yet profound the oxymoron that life is.
So today I proudly proclaim that I am forgiven because God says so. To quote one of my favorite groups Audio adrenaline- "my sins are erased and they are no more they are down on the ocean floor. they'll never find me they are down on the ocean floor.They are forgotten they're on the bottom of the ocean floor".
Accept forgiveness live in love and practice forgiveness and grace.
On that note i forgive those who wronged me and pray for God's love to reign in their lives. Amen
Have a lovely day, its raining showers of God's blessings to all my blog followers. To my fellow colleagues solidarity today, remain firm united and strong.
To sam God's blessings in your life
Its the last month of the year thus far the Lord has brought me Ebenezer.
Well im currently fighting off a flu and winning the battle Amen
I am also getting stronger as the days go by. Thank You God for samuel accepting my yahoo messenger request I give You the glory for that. Well today i kept remembering all the wrongs i had done and found myself wracked with guilt I forgot that God has forgiven my transgressions they are forgotten. He has placed them on the bottom of the ocean floor.
Its hard to forgive others worse still to forgive oneself yet if God the epitome of righteousness can forgive and forget and wipe our slates clean why do we hold on to guilt.
Ill liken it to an experience i had this week, I got a patient who is HIV postive yet adamant that no one should know its a state of denial and their health is detriorating despite medication afraid of the stereotype and stigma then again i met another patient unafraid to disclose their status living positively and choosing life each day.
When we let guilt consume our lives and refuse the freedom of forgiveness in our lives we effectively let our health deteriorate, however when we allow God to take our sins and trade them for forgiveness we bring health into our lives
Simple yet profound the oxymoron that life is.
So today I proudly proclaim that I am forgiven because God says so. To quote one of my favorite groups Audio adrenaline- "my sins are erased and they are no more they are down on the ocean floor. they'll never find me they are down on the ocean floor.They are forgotten they're on the bottom of the ocean floor".
Accept forgiveness live in love and practice forgiveness and grace.
On that note i forgive those who wronged me and pray for God's love to reign in their lives. Amen
Have a lovely day, its raining showers of God's blessings to all my blog followers. To my fellow colleagues solidarity today, remain firm united and strong.
To sam God's blessings in your life
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Well today was visit number three to the dentist and guys i have finally got my tooth fixed. Finally i got my smile back.
I broke my tooth at the age of ten.
I had to go thru puberty nd most of my early adult life with a broken incisor.
It was hard at first but i must say i built my self confidence
It was a tedious experience but im happy with the result.
I see the correlation with life, i went through a rough time this year
However God has brought me through.
Im so excited surrendering one's will to God
IS AMAZING
Pics of my new smile coming soon.
Happy birthday DAD
5+9 = 14
My family rocks
I broke my tooth at the age of ten.
I had to go thru puberty nd most of my early adult life with a broken incisor.
It was hard at first but i must say i built my self confidence
It was a tedious experience but im happy with the result.
I see the correlation with life, i went through a rough time this year
However God has brought me through.
Im so excited surrendering one's will to God
IS AMAZING
Pics of my new smile coming soon.
Happy birthday DAD
5+9 = 14
My family rocks
Friday, November 25, 2011
Today i'm so happy i woke up so happy
Thank you God
I'm getting better with every day
I am no longer wallowing
I no longer worry about how
I am happy
i know God is at work
I am still in my garden
The rain has been great for it
I can see fresh sprouts
The roses look so beautiful
I am so happy
The door remains open
God says focus on the garden
I shall return him to you.
Just focus on the garden
Thank you God
I'm getting better with every day
I am no longer wallowing
I no longer worry about how
I am happy
i know God is at work
I am still in my garden
The rain has been great for it
I can see fresh sprouts
The roses look so beautiful
I am so happy
The door remains open
God says focus on the garden
I shall return him to you.
Just focus on the garden
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Well today is a great day, i learnt a valuable lesson.
Today was my second visit to the dentist
I had scaling done it was painful but at the end i felt so awesome
I realised God is teaching me a lesson
I asked Him to heal me and thought it would only be as per my relationship status
However He showed me the mistakes i made is teaching me grace and forgiveness and patience
Then I realised the changes He will make will be painful but all for my good
Im excited im learning not to wallow in despair
And im attracting alot i got free meds, a cool pen torch and a belt
Then i left fr work jana saying i need to get my folks cold meds and i end up getting free samples.
Law of attraction.
Im so happy i have cried my last tear and i awake to joy
Im so blessed thank You God
Its also my 5yr anniversary with Samuel today Happy Anniversary Sam
Today was my second visit to the dentist
I had scaling done it was painful but at the end i felt so awesome
I realised God is teaching me a lesson
I asked Him to heal me and thought it would only be as per my relationship status
However He showed me the mistakes i made is teaching me grace and forgiveness and patience
Then I realised the changes He will make will be painful but all for my good
Im excited im learning not to wallow in despair
And im attracting alot i got free meds, a cool pen torch and a belt
Then i left fr work jana saying i need to get my folks cold meds and i end up getting free samples.
Law of attraction.
Im so happy i have cried my last tear and i awake to joy
Im so blessed thank You God
Its also my 5yr anniversary with Samuel today Happy Anniversary Sam
Monday, November 21, 2011
WOW im so excited bubbling over kinda reminds me of the song nabubujika nabubujika nabubujika moyoni na ninaimba ninaimba moyoni katika jina la yesu nimekombolewa nabubujika bubujika bubujika moyoni. Thank dear Lord for giving such joy for filling me with love im so happy and i know its because You placed that joy in me. Elevating me to a high frequency where the negativity of others shall never touch me.So todays message is simple i was on pauolo coelho's blog and i got this awesome message that is noe my laptop screensaver. WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING ALL THE UNIVERSE CONSPIRES IN HELPING YOU ACHIEVE IT.
Oh and to my audience i would like to send a hello to eric welcome to my world one quote will answer the questions that you have. I am different for i have always been me.
Oh and to my audience i would like to send a hello to eric welcome to my world one quote will answer the questions that you have. I am different for i have always been me.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
So its my first weekend off and im loving it. Its been relaxed and refreshing im so excited. As for today i learned an important lesson. Let me start from the beginning, last night i had tro explain to a close friend of mine that im taking a step back from all my friends in light of my parasuicide, and events leading to it. I feel like my friends want me to get better at their own pace and i realised i need to do things at my own pace and in my own way. The comments of you shouldnt be here or you dodged a bullet or u need to stop being bitter. Reaches a point i wanna scream AARGH JUST SHUT UP! I will get better, i am not bitter and i still love samuel so flipping deal with it. I have good days and i have bad days, i dont wanna have to explain why.
Anyway so it kept me up but in the morning clarity came I said i needed to uproot weeds and trim hedges it will hurt but in the end my garden will look better. I went to the dentist to get my tooth fixed, first i learnt patience as i had to wait to get seen. Then i needed to get xrays done to reveal the extent of the damage, i had fractured my tooth upto to the root wow but it had healed thank God. And i have hope i need like two more visits then i get it all sorted out. Yipee
In light of this i can allude it to my finances and career and engagement i need patience and persistence as i work on getting things fixed some cleaning will be done and then some things will be replaced and time to heal. Thank You God for this important lesson. I am truly blessed that You teach me everyday
Anyway so it kept me up but in the morning clarity came I said i needed to uproot weeds and trim hedges it will hurt but in the end my garden will look better. I went to the dentist to get my tooth fixed, first i learnt patience as i had to wait to get seen. Then i needed to get xrays done to reveal the extent of the damage, i had fractured my tooth upto to the root wow but it had healed thank God. And i have hope i need like two more visits then i get it all sorted out. Yipee
In light of this i can allude it to my finances and career and engagement i need patience and persistence as i work on getting things fixed some cleaning will be done and then some things will be replaced and time to heal. Thank You God for this important lesson. I am truly blessed that You teach me everyday
Friday, November 18, 2011
Its been a while since I blogged lol. IM enjoying my first weekend off in 6wks its so exhilarating though i missed a dentist's appointment. But all is not lost I rebooked for kesho. I am taking God's advice to focus on becoming a better me and letting Him work on me and return the love of my life back to me. All I need to do is keep my faith and let God do the rest in His time He will make things right.
Gratitude is a powerful thing i remained grateful for my days, one of the receptionists complimented me that i am a great worker and i clear queues. Up side even my patients love me its so awesome im over the moon its delightful.
I am getting better day by day, the law of attraction is a powerful thing. God today my prayer request is that i never forget that You have me in the palm of Your hands and You are carrying me through. Thank You God and theres is nothing You cant do O lord my eyes are on You. Amen
Gratitude is a powerful thing i remained grateful for my days, one of the receptionists complimented me that i am a great worker and i clear queues. Up side even my patients love me its so awesome im over the moon its delightful.
I am getting better day by day, the law of attraction is a powerful thing. God today my prayer request is that i never forget that You have me in the palm of Your hands and You are carrying me through. Thank You God and theres is nothing You cant do O lord my eyes are on You. Amen
Monday, November 07, 2011
SMALL VICTORIES
I realised that people both knowingly and unknowingly tend to try to make our victories insignificant
They make comments tear into our soul and make us doubt ourselves
I have seen this recently among people i once considered friends
This poison destroyed my soul and would take me ten steps back
But i am wiser now, i am stronger now,
I tell those words to return from whence they came
I pull out the poison darts and suck out the poison and spit it out
I uproot the seeds of despair
I am victorious
I have triumphed
I am a winner
I shall not be put down.
This is my declaration of VICTORY
I realised that people both knowingly and unknowingly tend to try to make our victories insignificant
They make comments tear into our soul and make us doubt ourselves
I have seen this recently among people i once considered friends
This poison destroyed my soul and would take me ten steps back
But i am wiser now, i am stronger now,
I tell those words to return from whence they came
I pull out the poison darts and suck out the poison and spit it out
I uproot the seeds of despair
I am victorious
I have triumphed
I am a winner
I shall not be put down.
This is my declaration of VICTORY
SECRET GARDEN
I am back in my garden God has led me back to it. Its my sanctuary
Where he helps me as we tend the flowers
i had forgotten about it let the world entice me and lead me away from it
But Great news im back in my garden
With God we have been uprooting the weeds of despair, jealousy, self hatred, fear and anger
Planting the roses of love, generosity, self love,courage, joy in others achievements and happiness
The winter has faded and spring has returned
The birds are back singing and chirping away
I spend my days tending this flowers as God shows me how to keep the healthy
Occasionally a weed may sprout up but God shows that all i need to do is uproot it from the roots.
The fairies dance every night under the dandelions
The sparrows sing by the rose bushes
Im usually found dancing in the grass especially after the morning's dew
When it rains i run and scream with the pixies as the raindrops wash us clean
This is where I am meant to be
This is where God needs me to be
This is where you will find me
The key is and always will be in your hand
The door is unlatched
Our favorite spot by the roses is still there waiting.
God tells to be still and wait on Him
In His perfect time
The door shall creak open and I shall run with open arms
The garden awaits
I will always be there tending to it
I am back in my garden God has led me back to it. Its my sanctuary
Where he helps me as we tend the flowers
i had forgotten about it let the world entice me and lead me away from it
But Great news im back in my garden
With God we have been uprooting the weeds of despair, jealousy, self hatred, fear and anger
Planting the roses of love, generosity, self love,courage, joy in others achievements and happiness
The winter has faded and spring has returned
The birds are back singing and chirping away
I spend my days tending this flowers as God shows me how to keep the healthy
Occasionally a weed may sprout up but God shows that all i need to do is uproot it from the roots.
The fairies dance every night under the dandelions
The sparrows sing by the rose bushes
Im usually found dancing in the grass especially after the morning's dew
When it rains i run and scream with the pixies as the raindrops wash us clean
This is where I am meant to be
This is where God needs me to be
This is where you will find me
The key is and always will be in your hand
The door is unlatched
Our favorite spot by the roses is still there waiting.
God tells to be still and wait on Him
In His perfect time
The door shall creak open and I shall run with open arms
The garden awaits
I will always be there tending to it
Hey its been a while since i blogged wow like a whole five days unacceptable.
This is my online journal of my recovery and renewal. I should call them my butterfly diaries, that would absolutely rock. I am now in a cocoon, fighting my inner demons and shall be triumphant. I have realised that no one will truly understand the path that i am taking and it doesnt matter if they do. All i know is that its the path for me. Thats all that counts. Kudos to my friend vikki who told me you will work this out in your own way and in your own time and God in His perfect time will make things right.
This is my online journal of my recovery and renewal. I should call them my butterfly diaries, that would absolutely rock. I am now in a cocoon, fighting my inner demons and shall be triumphant. I have realised that no one will truly understand the path that i am taking and it doesnt matter if they do. All i know is that its the path for me. Thats all that counts. Kudos to my friend vikki who told me you will work this out in your own way and in your own time and God in His perfect time will make things right.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Restoration
Today i felt really low found myself thinking how much i miss you.
Then i listened to the radio the songs on hope fm calmed me
then allie called and i felt peace
My heart the voice inside me says dont lose hope
God will restore, renew and reconcile
Im looking towards that now
God is restoring us right now
I know it
Renewal shall follow
Then reconciliation
Call me crazy but I shall say it loud and clear
I WILL BELIEVE THE REPORT OF OF MY LORD
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes He is working and we shall be restored
Today i felt really low found myself thinking how much i miss you.
Then i listened to the radio the songs on hope fm calmed me
then allie called and i felt peace
My heart the voice inside me says dont lose hope
God will restore, renew and reconcile
Im looking towards that now
God is restoring us right now
I know it
Renewal shall follow
Then reconciliation
Call me crazy but I shall say it loud and clear
I WILL BELIEVE THE REPORT OF OF MY LORD
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes He is working and we shall be restored
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
SURRENDER
Oh sweet surrender!
Thats all I feel
The rain has come
Relief at last I am free
The cool breeze breathes life into me
My dying soul drinks in the rainwater
I was once like the dry desert sand
But now I am a damp rainforest floor
Freedom comes through the mere patter of raindrops
Pitter patter I am alive.
Free and alive in the rain
Oh sweet surrender!
Thats all I feel
The rain has come
Relief at last I am free
The cool breeze breathes life into me
My dying soul drinks in the rainwater
I was once like the dry desert sand
But now I am a damp rainforest floor
Freedom comes through the mere patter of raindrops
Pitter patter I am alive.
Free and alive in the rain
UNTITLED
Loud music blasts between my ears
In the hope thst the noise shall silence the voice of turmoil,
This isbut futile as its has to be heard,
My struggle for sanity and balance continues
Why does this never end?
When I thought I was past this
It comes back to haunt me
Like a zit that comes to the same spot
All the remedies I tried only temporary,
I seek a permanent solution,
My search fruitless thus far,
Hope of success diminishing
Like the rays of the setting sun
Sad, isnt but thats reality,
Awake from your slumber,
Fantasy can only take you so far
Like a drug one high and youre hooked
Is there a rehab for this addiction?
Can anyone enrol me int he school of reality,
I need a booster shot of reality,
I need to leave the Egypt of fantasia
To arrive at the Canaan of reality
Loud music blasts between my ears
In the hope thst the noise shall silence the voice of turmoil,
This isbut futile as its has to be heard,
My struggle for sanity and balance continues
Why does this never end?
When I thought I was past this
It comes back to haunt me
Like a zit that comes to the same spot
All the remedies I tried only temporary,
I seek a permanent solution,
My search fruitless thus far,
Hope of success diminishing
Like the rays of the setting sun
Sad, isnt but thats reality,
Awake from your slumber,
Fantasy can only take you so far
Like a drug one high and youre hooked
Is there a rehab for this addiction?
Can anyone enrol me int he school of reality,
I need a booster shot of reality,
I need to leave the Egypt of fantasia
To arrive at the Canaan of reality
COMPLEXITY
Thoughts criss-crossing in my head,
Confusing, consuming leaving me frustrated,
Life has suddenly become complex
Simplicity is alas a thing of the past.
A time long forgotten, yet yearned for.
How did I get here?
I know not nor do I remember,
The paths that led me here
All these questions and doubts
None of which are answered
A gentle breeze wafts in,
Soft music fills the air
Peace slowly enters my soul
Tranquility reigns supreme
Clarity is restored
Simplicity is in my hands
I have the power
I had it all along
Only I had forgotten so.
Thoughts criss-crossing in my head,
Confusing, consuming leaving me frustrated,
Life has suddenly become complex
Simplicity is alas a thing of the past.
A time long forgotten, yet yearned for.
How did I get here?
I know not nor do I remember,
The paths that led me here
All these questions and doubts
None of which are answered
A gentle breeze wafts in,
Soft music fills the air
Peace slowly enters my soul
Tranquility reigns supreme
Clarity is restored
Simplicity is in my hands
I have the power
I had it all along
Only I had forgotten so.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
how did we get here
Where we inflict pain to each other
to the person we swore to protect
when did we descend into this vicious cycle
this cycle that starts with us locked in an embrace only to pull away from each other
Im confused how did i turn into this monster who inflicts pain
Who tears one down rather than build them up
Who is a source of negativity than positivity
I need to change before i destroy you.
Where we inflict pain to each other
to the person we swore to protect
when did we descend into this vicious cycle
this cycle that starts with us locked in an embrace only to pull away from each other
Im confused how did i turn into this monster who inflicts pain
Who tears one down rather than build them up
Who is a source of negativity than positivity
I need to change before i destroy you.